yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
