You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
i've created a new STD.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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