I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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