I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
