There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
