I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
