ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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