I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
