i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
