forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Randomize
