He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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