We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
