She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
