just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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