I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
