Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
