It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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