so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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