walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
