the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
