Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
