Dude my mom stole all your condoms
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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