I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
