i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
