First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
