i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
