if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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