In the future we'll all be gay
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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