It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
