I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
