that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
