you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
