Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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