I wish I could punch you in the face.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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