I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
