Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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