I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
