please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
why is half of my head shaved?
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