A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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