checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize