There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
