i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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