Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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