last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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