I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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