we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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