Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
