i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
