Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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