I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
