Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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