thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
