I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
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