I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Let's paint friendship bongs
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
