Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
and you fell through a lawn chair
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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