He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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