I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
