and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
