Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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