So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
