I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
