Cold hands, warm shart.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Just invented taco cereal.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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