So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
