"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
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