My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
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I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
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Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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