Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
