Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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