I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Too much gin, very little bucket
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
